I want tumblr to be the first to know that if I can’t go back to Roberts, then I’m saving up enough money to leave this town, this county, and maybe even this state behind. My best friends are moving to Pennsylvania and getting their own apartment, maybe I could go there. I have a friend who offered me a place in Florida. I just can’t stand this life anymore. I don’t mean suicide, but I just want to start over somewhere where my mom can’t hurt me anymore.

It’s one of those nights when I lay here and think about everything that’s going wrong in my life. And how everything that’s gone wrong in the past has lead up to this moment. Like, if my dad never left, I wouldn’t have daddy issues. If I wouldn’t have been molested, I never would’ve became sexually active. If Justin and I wouldn’t have broken up, I would probably have gone to Liberty University and would’ve never fell for Agustin. If my home life wasn’t straight out of an “independent” Netflix genre movie, I wouldn’t be so depressed. All of the good things in life seem to always be ripped away from me. Like I’m not supposed to be happy. Being told that I can’t go back to Roberts tore me up inside. I am so scared of life that I was in the fetal position rocking back and forth at church, crying out to God, yelling at Him for putting me through this. I’m so physically alone. My friends seem to only want the fun Aubree. The second I need a shoulder, they’re all gone. My Roberts crew would be here in a second. I miss them so much. I miss just talking. No need to entertain, to pressure to be perfect… Just open ip and be real. Justyn, Autum, Jona, and Benny are the only people I trust, and still that isn’t enough. I’m just so lost, confused, scared. I don’t have a home. I done have my license. I don’t have a job. I’m no longer in college… What is there to live for at this point?